I’m trying to learn to write what’s in my heart whether the receiver will like it or not. And that’s hard because it involves letting myself be judged – definitely stretches my boundaries. Historically, I’m one who keeps the peace, not wrecks it.
Yesterday morning I was really angry and had to be very careful in my blog post to say only what I wouldn’t be ashamed of having said today.
A blog is a public forum and I know lots of bloggers go on rants and are much more outspoken in what they say and how they say it. There are times when I wish I were more like that, too.
But there are days like today when I’m glad I’m not. That said, I do want to bring the subject to light, because it seems important still, even though I’m no longer seething with anger.
It has to do with query strings of a search, several searches that were made on my blog night before last. When someone looks for something using the box provided here onsite, those keywords are listed for us (the blog owners) to see. As well, I have Google set up to deliver keywords to my email inbox when someone finds my blog through a search on that engine.
Keywords are good marketing tools. Knowing what words bring someone to the site, or what information a reader is wanting once already here is good marketing information. A searcher is anonymous and no private information is given to me, the blog owner. But because of the nature of the questions and the keywords used, I’m fairly certain of the querent’s identity.
I guess what upset me is that this reader is looking for a particular post from the past wherein I’ve made references to not feeling ‘normal’ or that I might feel I’m not a ‘good mother’, or that I don’t ‘cook and clean house’ often enough. Some of the searches were posed as question, one in particular being: Why can’t you be normal?
So to this querent, I pose the question: What is ‘normal’?
If anyone else wants to take a shot at defining normal, I’d appreciate it. I’m not opposed to answering the question, but I think to get an accurate answer, we need to compare notes and paradigms as to what ‘normal’ entails. I’ll go first. To define it properly, we need parameters, since the definition could be subject to interpretation. This is my interpretation of ‘normal’ based on my own perception of societal expectations. It could be vastly different to someone who grew up in different setting.
My idea of what is normal (for a wife and mother) is someone who wakes up in the mornings, prepares breakfast, gets the kids and husband off to school and work, does a little housework and perhaps watches some television, does a little more housework, or other domestic work to keep the household in good running order, and begins supper preparations, greets kids and husband when they return from school and work and then settles in for an evening at home with the family until bedtime.
There’s nothing wrong with that picture. It seems quite nice, actually, and I know many women who live that life and are very happy with it. A wife like that is exactly what many men desire and hope to find. This picture has been much maligned during the women’s lib movement and I think that’s a shame, because for many women and men, it’s a great life and there’s nothing inherently wrong with it.
I think as writers, most of us might not fit that picture, and most of us have other careers aside from our writing, so it’s even harder to find commonality with the threads of that ‘normal’ life. Usually, career women simply add their career to the picture and end up attempting to become Supermom or Superwoman. Then if it’s impossible to keep up the pace, discontent settles in and disillusionment commences.
The picture of my own life departs that norm somewhere between the yawn at waking and my feet’s first contact with the usually cold floor.