Welcome to the Thursday feature where we will share and vote on our 25 word blurbs – those words that we hope will prompt the editor or agent to ask for a partial.
So this is how it works. Read the pitch/blurb below and then vote as to whether you’d buy the book and tell your friends about it. If you have constructive crit to offer, do so in the comment section.
A caveat.
Don’t vote ‘No’ because you don’t read or want to read the genre. If the genre is a negative bias for you, please refrain from voting unless you are able to be objective about the quality of the blurb.
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Vote for it:
Title: DUALITY Author: T. E. Schoenborn
Genre: Urban Fantasy
What about you?
If you want to put your 25 words to the test, email me your pitch/blurb (25 words or less) at the addy over there on my right hand side-bar.
Be forewarned. 25 word summaries are difficult! I struggled with mine for days. Okay. I’ll be honest. I’ve struggled with mine for a while now…months, even. But I think I finally have one that’ll work and when there’s a lull in the pitches I’ll throw mine out there to be slaughtered, too.
You’ll be welcome to run yours again later when everyone in queue is done, and you’ll especially want to do this if you’ve made changes. Plus, as the campaign runs for while, word will spread and we’ll get more views and votes.
At the end of the week I’ll email you with the results.
The poll will stay active indefinitely, so if you want to direct people to your link to cast their votes, you’re free to do so.
If you need some ideas on how to distill your large blurb down to 25 words, here’s a great link from David B. Coe (fantasy author published by Tor): http://www.magicalwords.net/david-b-coe/on-writing-and-publishing-refining-your-elevator-pitch/ He took pitches one day and gave feedback to a bunch of us.
The first sentence engages me, but then I lose interest. And though my parents were British, I don’t know the term “Pill-napping.” Not understanding its significance means I can’t decide if I’m interested or not.
My interest grew as I read each sentence, but then the last sentence lost me. Believe me, I know what a challenge it is to effectively summarize an entire book in 25 words, but I think the last sentence needs to have more “oomph.”
I liked it up until the last line – not sure what is meant by pill-napping. Is it a british term? Otherwise, I find the part of hearing voices and the meds helping to be intriguing. I get the sense that the overall tone has an undercurrent of humor, but again, without understanding the term i can’t be sure.
i agree with the others. the pill-napping brits makes me wonder about it. i’m guessing that she’s got behavioral/mental issues and needs the pills to help. without the pills – i guess – is when she hears voices. so then maybe that’s when she might have killed, IF she did it. and by “she” i mean the character, not the author, she is going to be an unreliable narrator, which is challenging and fun to read. i like unreliable narrators because it’s like a puzzle for me to figure out what’s real and what’s not. and now, the more i think about it, i’m more likely to want to read it, but i guess i can’t change my vote.
therefore, i should have voted yes, but i don’t know if i can change that.
sorry!
It’s the pill-napping Brits suck line that ruined it for me. The first lines made me think suspense and thriller novel. The last line made me think YA/Vampire genre and I just can’t handle anymore of those.
Reblogged this on Claire Croxton Romance Author and commented:
Have you visited Madison Wood’s Thursday feature: Would You Buy It? It’s loads of fun!
I voted Yes but nearly lost the plot with the pill-napping (and yes, I’m British!) It was the words ‘murdered’, ‘suspect’ and ‘hearing voices’ which caught my interest.
You certainly convey a voice through your choice of words and I get the feeling this may be a YA story from that. However, the last line doesn’t work for me – pill-napping is confusing and the ending lacks punch. How about:
“The good news is, meds help, but the bad news? They keep disappearing.” I don’t know, there’s probably a stronger way to put it, but I don’t think you need to introduce the Brits in this pitch.
By the time I got to “pill-napping,” I was already forming a judgement by the mis-use of the comma in the opening sentence(s).
Sorry, this wouldn’t get me to buy the book. The last line makes it sound more like it might be satire rather than urban fantasy, and you lost me at “pill-napping.”
I have to agree with the other comments. It’s great up until the last line. It just seems to fizzle there. Good luck! This isn’t an easy challenge =)
Hrrm. My main issue is I don’t see anything that makes me think Urban Fantasy in that. I can -imagine- something to do with the voices not being insanity but real/psychic/something, and the “Brits” being supernatural critters of some sort (fae perhaps?
) stealing the pills to keep her from ignoring them/herself…but I’m likely way off track…and that’s what I mean. 
KS/KC (Can’t tell I love/write UF, can ya?
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Thanks for re-blogging this, Claire
I’m guessing she’s taking pills to drown out the voices but the pills make her groggy and sleepy. I agree with everyone’s sentiments. The first sentence grabbed me but the next four were confusing and seemed more humorous which pulled me out of what sounded like an exciting, suspenseful novel. In this case, the pitch is stronger with just the first sentence which is only 12 words! That gives us all hope to whittle our own pitches down to 25 words!
The pitch started stong and then faded. I don’t know what it has to do with Urban Fantasy and the last part just left me confused. I think you need to rethink the last sentence, if you can make it as good as what preceeds it, I’d definately vote yes!
Thanks everyone for your comments. They are priceless when trying to perfect this very challenging pitch technique.
Also a very loud shout out to Madison for opening this up to those of us brave enough to attempt it.
LOL. I’m going to let y’all rip mine up next week
Thought I’d throw my two cents in too. It seems so many are confused by the term “pill-napping”. I could be totally off here, but it made me think of a play on words for something like “kidnapping”, only it’s pills being swiped and not kids. Just a guess!
Yeah, that’s what I got too… *nods* Also a way to turn “pill stealing” into one word.;)
Interesting word play, but from the responses, a bit too creative for general understanding. Wouldn’t want a publisher responding like the below!
Ks/KC
I enjoyed it until I read your last line ‘pill-napping Brits suck’…which stopped me in my tracks, leaving me to wonder and ask…hmmm…what does that mean? Never heard that expression before, but of course, I’m not British.
I voted No because of two things: the first is that there seemed to be no relationship between the voices and the death of parents other than something implied. And secondly I am a Brit, I’ve never heard the term ‘pill-napping’ and as someone that works with health information I can tell you that it doesn’t exist! Therefore the whole thing lost any credibility.
I now realize this is after the fact, but I already voted, and voted undecided, so I’ll say my vote was b/c I felt I didn’t know enough to make the decision. Of course, it’s hard to give more when you’re limited to 25 words. I was leaning to a “yes” if that’s any help.
The last sentence lost me. What’s pill-napping? Also, I don’t agree with using slang in a blurb (“suck”).
I found myself intrigued and wasn’t put of int he least by the last line. I interpreted it too mean someone was stealing her pills, which would make it very difficult to keep the voices at bay. Interesting twist, I thought. I would read it.