Care to take a stab?
Welcome to my blog’s Thursday feature where we share and vote on our 25 word blurbs – those words that we hope will prompt the editor or agent to ask for a partial.
What we are measuring in this experiment is reader interpretation. What does someone think of your book when they read this short blurb? Does it make them want to buy it or at least read further? Editors and publishers may look at these blurbs differently, but ultimately, they’re readers too.
So this is how it works. Read the pitch/blurb below and then vote as to whether you’d buy the book and tell your friends about it. If you have constructive crit to offer, do so in the comment section.
A caveat.
Don’t vote ‘No’ because you don’t read or want to read the genre. If the genre is a negative bias for you, please refrain from voting unless you are able to be objective about the quality of the blurb.
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Vote for it:
Title: Garden of Dreams (Available on Amazon) Author: J. Strand
Genre: Inspirational Fiction
Timeless tale of scientific magic, universal power, untold wisdom and lost secrets. Or a trick? To intrigue / guide you into a hidden world of wonder.
What about you?
If you want to put your 25 words to the test, email me your pitch/blurb (25 words or less) at the addy over there on my right hand side-bar.
I’m also taking 30-second audio pitches if you’d rather send one of those. We’ll start them as soon as we’ve run through the stockpile of 25-word pitches, possibly beginning around mid-July.
Be forewarned. 25 word summaries are difficult! I struggled with mine for days. Okay. I’ll be honest. I’ve struggled with mine for a while now…months, even. But I think I finally have one that’ll work and when there’s a lull in the pitches I’ll throw mine out there to be slaughtered, too.
You’ll be welcome to run yours again later when everyone in queue is done, and you’ll especially want to do this if you’ve made changes. Plus, as the campaign runs for while, word will spread and we’ll get more views and votes.
At the end of the week I’ll email you with the results.
The poll will stay active indefinitely, so if you want to direct people to your link to cast their votes, you’re free to do so.
If you need some ideas on how to distill your large blurb down, the canaries at The Canary Review are as good as it gets. Canarythefirst *helped* me once a while back when I was working on my longer pitch here on my own blog. I need to read this post every once in a while for a refresher. You should read it too. It’s pretty funny!
Also, here’s a great link from David B. Coe (fantasy author published by Tor): http://www.magicalwords.net/david-b-coe/on-writing-and-publishing-refining-your-elevator-pitch/ He took pitches one day and gave feedback to a bunch of us.
Ooh, intriguing! Magic, wisdom, timeless, universal power . . . they’re strong themes within our own series, so those words will always encourage me to investigate further.
I appreciate that others may be keen to know more specifics, but based on the blurb, I would take the time to read the Amazon listing and perhaps download a sample.
I need just a little more info….based on this, I probably would NOT take the time to read the Amazon listing.
This blurb left me saying “huh?” I think the “trick” followed by “to guide you into a hidden world of wonder” is what confused me. Maybe something like this instead?
A timeless tale of scientific magic, universal power, untold wisdom and lost secrets to guide you into a hidden world of wonder. Or is it a trick?
Best of luck!
You had me at ‘scientific magic’
Love the title. And the first line. The ‘intrigue/guide thing was awkward to me.
I like Claire’s, but I would leave off ‘untold wisdom’. That is making it a bit top-heavy for me… 4 things is too many.
I voted no. I couldn’t tell from the pitch what this was actually about or who the main characters were or anything. I’m afraid I just didn’t know enough to make me look further.
I just want y’all to know that I’m learning a lot from eavesdropping on these remarks… even when it’s not my pitch I’m picking up some needed information. Thanks!
I was intrigued by the first sentence, but was thrown by the second half. But I know first hand what a challenge it is to condense a novel into 25 words. Maybe just a bit more polishing on the second half.
I agree with Madison, elmowrites, Claire, and Julia Stevenson. For this reader, “scientific magic” are two words that are incompatible together. The first sentence is not specific enough to be followed by “Or a trick”, in my opinion. I like the title and words like untold wisdom, hidden secrets, intrigue can picque interest. But, it would help to tell us something about the story elements. Please don’t take these comments as negative – this could be a good book. Here’s an example of what I might like to see.
A young cancer patient discovers untold wisdom and hidden secrets when she turns to the world of dreams in her search for a cure.
(The first four words could be anybody… a struggling divorcee, an unemployed physicist, etc.)
I became intrigue. The pitch is crisp, fresh and it builds suspense.
While the larger-than-life, grandiose approach may appeal to some readers, the first sentence is a bit too much for me. It comes across as melodramatic and by the time I get to “untold wisdom” I lose all faith that the book will be able to deliver on its big promises. There’s just no way, especially since things like “wonder” are highly subjective experiences. No book can make all its readers feel wonder at its world-building.
The last sentence: No matter how cramped you are for space, never-ever use slashes to separate two words unless you’re doing it for humor or contrast (he’s an assassin/masseur) or are describing categories (fantasy/thriller).
It’s also unclear whether the book itself is the timeless tale of scientific magic what will guide the reader into a hidden world of wonder, or if there’s a tale within the story that will guide the character into a world of wonder.
If it’s the former, it could well be talking about Scientology, pretty much any book out there in the steampunk genre, or The Secret Garden. (Well, okay, not much science in TSG…)
1. This timeless tale of scientific magic, power, and lost secrets may be a lie. Or is it? Enter the hidden world.
2. Power and lost secrets: Carl finds a textbook on scientific magic. Is it a hoax? Or a trap?
Both alternatives well under 25 words.
Oh and when it comes to pitch revision, I much prefer Denton’s over either of the ones I presented as examples.
I voted no because I couldn’t tell whether this would inspire me, enlighten me or tell a story. Found it confusing.
the blurb didn’t leave me thinking Inspirational Fiction. Only discovered that when I looked to see what genre it was. Also, if I read that blurb, regardless of genre, I would put it back down because it doesn’t actually say anything about the book. Plot? Characters?
The contradictory terms “scientific magic” strike a bad chord with me. If it’s science, it’s repeatable. On the other hand, I’ve heard “sometimes the magic works . . . sometimes it doesn’t. That’s why they call it magic.” When you follow that with “universal power, untold wisdom, and lost secrets,” you’ve promised more than I believe you can deliver. Oh, and what power/wisdom/secrets are you talking about?
This one is too general and over-the-top.
Good luck!