Comments on: Vote for it: Would You Buy it? The pitch for “Garden of Dreams” by J. Strands is ready for slaughter… http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/2012/05/31/vote-for-it-would-you-buy-it-the-pitch-for-garden-of-dreams-by-j-strands-is-ready-for-slaughter/ My new blog's home is "http://madison-woods.com" - Follow me there! I write speculative fiction with a surreal and sometimes dark edge. Wed, 05 Jun 2013 14:23:21 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.com/ By: Duke Pennell http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/2012/05/31/vote-for-it-would-you-buy-it-the-pitch-for-garden-of-dreams-by-j-strands-is-ready-for-slaughter/#comment-13276 Fri, 01 Jun 2012 15:12:23 +0000 http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/?p=6565#comment-13276 The contradictory terms “scientific magic” strike a bad chord with me. If it’s science, it’s repeatable. On the other hand, I’ve heard “sometimes the magic works . . . sometimes it doesn’t. That’s why they call it magic.” When you follow that with “universal power, untold wisdom, and lost secrets,” you’ve promised more than I believe you can deliver. Oh, and what power/wisdom/secrets are you talking about?

This one is too general and over-the-top.

Good luck!

]]> By: Sonia Lal http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/2012/05/31/vote-for-it-would-you-buy-it-the-pitch-for-garden-of-dreams-by-j-strands-is-ready-for-slaughter/#comment-13174 Thu, 31 May 2012 22:47:12 +0000 http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/?p=6565#comment-13174 the blurb didn’t leave me thinking Inspirational Fiction. Only discovered that when I looked to see what genre it was. Also, if I read that blurb, regardless of genre, I would put it back down because it doesn’t actually say anything about the book. Plot? Characters?

]]> By: Sheila http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/2012/05/31/vote-for-it-would-you-buy-it-the-pitch-for-garden-of-dreams-by-j-strands-is-ready-for-slaughter/#comment-13170 Thu, 31 May 2012 18:55:05 +0000 http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/?p=6565#comment-13170 I voted no because I couldn’t tell whether this would inspire me, enlighten me or tell a story. Found it confusing.

]]> By: CanaryTheFirst http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/2012/05/31/vote-for-it-would-you-buy-it-the-pitch-for-garden-of-dreams-by-j-strands-is-ready-for-slaughter/#comment-13167 Thu, 31 May 2012 16:39:44 +0000 http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/?p=6565#comment-13167 Oh and when it comes to pitch revision, I much prefer Denton’s over either of the ones I presented as examples.

]]> By: CanaryTheFirst http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/2012/05/31/vote-for-it-would-you-buy-it-the-pitch-for-garden-of-dreams-by-j-strands-is-ready-for-slaughter/#comment-13166 Thu, 31 May 2012 16:37:51 +0000 http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/?p=6565#comment-13166 While the larger-than-life, grandiose approach may appeal to some readers, the first sentence is a bit too much for me. It comes across as melodramatic and by the time I get to “untold wisdom” I lose all faith that the book will be able to deliver on its big promises. There’s just no way, especially since things like “wonder” are highly subjective experiences. No book can make all its readers feel wonder at its world-building.

The last sentence: No matter how cramped you are for space, never-ever use slashes to separate two words unless you’re doing it for humor or contrast (he’s an assassin/masseur) or are describing categories (fantasy/thriller).

It’s also unclear whether the book itself is the timeless tale of scientific magic what will guide the reader into a hidden world of wonder, or if there’s a tale within the story that will guide the character into a world of wonder.

If it’s the former, it could well be talking about Scientology, pretty much any book out there in the steampunk genre, or The Secret Garden. (Well, okay, not much science in TSG…)

1. This timeless tale of scientific magic, power, and lost secrets may be a lie. Or is it? Enter the hidden world.

2. Power and lost secrets: Carl finds a textbook on scientific magic. Is it a hoax? Or a trap?

Both alternatives well under 25 words.

]]> By: silentlyheardonce http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/2012/05/31/vote-for-it-would-you-buy-it-the-pitch-for-garden-of-dreams-by-j-strands-is-ready-for-slaughter/#comment-13165 Thu, 31 May 2012 15:05:38 +0000 http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/?p=6565#comment-13165 I became intrigue. The pitch is crisp, fresh and it builds suspense.

]]> By: Denton Gay http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/2012/05/31/vote-for-it-would-you-buy-it-the-pitch-for-garden-of-dreams-by-j-strands-is-ready-for-slaughter/#comment-13163 Thu, 31 May 2012 14:33:36 +0000 http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/?p=6565#comment-13163 I agree with Madison, elmowrites, Claire, and Julia Stevenson. For this reader, “scientific magic” are two words that are incompatible together. The first sentence is not specific enough to be followed by “Or a trick”, in my opinion. I like the title and words like untold wisdom, hidden secrets, intrigue can picque interest. But, it would help to tell us something about the story elements. Please don’t take these comments as negative – this could be a good book. Here’s an example of what I might like to see.

A young cancer patient discovers untold wisdom and hidden secrets when she turns to the world of dreams in her search for a cure.

(The first four words could be anybody… a struggling divorcee, an unemployed physicist, etc.)

]]> By: janmorrill http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/2012/05/31/vote-for-it-would-you-buy-it-the-pitch-for-garden-of-dreams-by-j-strands-is-ready-for-slaughter/#comment-13162 Thu, 31 May 2012 14:21:09 +0000 http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/?p=6565#comment-13162 I was intrigued by the first sentence, but was thrown by the second half. But I know first hand what a challenge it is to condense a novel into 25 words. Maybe just a bit more polishing on the second half.

]]> By: Madison Woods http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/2012/05/31/vote-for-it-would-you-buy-it-the-pitch-for-garden-of-dreams-by-j-strands-is-ready-for-slaughter/#comment-13161 Thu, 31 May 2012 14:04:35 +0000 http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/?p=6565#comment-13161 I just want y’all to know that I’m learning a lot from eavesdropping on these remarks… even when it’s not my pitch I’m picking up some needed information. Thanks!

]]> By: elmowrites http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/2012/05/31/vote-for-it-would-you-buy-it-the-pitch-for-garden-of-dreams-by-j-strands-is-ready-for-slaughter/#comment-13160 Thu, 31 May 2012 13:58:27 +0000 http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/?p=6565#comment-13160 I voted no. I couldn’t tell from the pitch what this was actually about or who the main characters were or anything. I’m afraid I just didn’t know enough to make me look further.

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